A Slice of Bacon

If you haven’t seen the Joe Flacco wedding photo, where the Ravens’ quarterback forces his poor wife and friends to act like it’s a football game and she’s the center (Seriously), go look at it right now. Go. I’ll wait. 

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Okay, so you saw it. And it probably took a few seconds to digest. It’s disturbing, obviously, but it is more than that. It’s telling. 

You see, that photo is exactly why professional athletes act the way they act. It’s why celebrities act that way, too. The reason? Because the accountability to being a complete douche is completely lost. 

Let me paint you a quick picture here and you tell me what happens. You, 28-year-old male, show up a party with some of your best friends. It’s a lively but responsible bunch, the type of people that wouldn’t be caught dead buying a t-shirt with sequins on it. You have a beer or two and then decide it would be super to take a dump in the toilet and not flush it, excited to stand outside the bathroom nonchalantly until the next poor sap goes in to relieve his or herself. 

What does your friend say? Something to the nature of, “No, that’s fucking ridiculous. Stop being an idiot.”

That’s what friends do. Real friends. The kind that don’t really care if they piss you off. It’s why we have these people around. Accountability. They call you on your dumb shit so you don’t end up in jail or on some sex-offender website. They’re the guys that tell you to go home when you’re talking to the girl that hasn’t seen a treadmill this decade, and they’re the ones that take your keys when you shouldn’t be driving. Real friends are there for you and know that no matter what happens, you’ll be there in the end.

But big time celebrities don’t have this. They lose it. Everyone laughs at all their jokes and tells them how great they are and pushes them into some “comfort corner” that doesn’t allow outside influence. It’s why Bubba Watson bought a pink Lamborghini and why LeBron James went to Miami. Nobody calls you on anything. You’re the king, and everyone else is a peasant. 

That’s the big problem with this Flacco deal. None of those guys had the gall to call him out on it. “Umm, Joe, you know you’re a quarterback, right? Professionally? Maybe just take some normal pictures and let’s go have a drink.”

No, they all lined up and took the picture because Joe is the kingpin and you don’t want to insult the kingpin. So you laugh along with them and do stupid shit and act different and end up on Deadspin with the whole world scratching their collective head, confused but not surprised.

People need those true friends to tell them when they shouldn’t be doing something. Celebrity-ism erases all of that.